Forgiveness is the biggest tool to destroy someone’s anger…
Once Buddha was in an assembly when a man walked in looking furious. He thought Buddha was doing something wrong. He was a restless businessman and he had found that his children were spending hours with Buddha when they could have engaged themselves in business at that time, making more and more money. He felt that spending four hours of their day seated next to someone whose eyes were always closed was incredulous. This was what had upset the businessman.
So, with furiousness walked straight up to Buddha looked him the eye and spat. He was so angry, he could not find the words to exprss them that he merely spat at Budha. Buddha simply smiled. He showed no anger, though the disciples around him were angry. They would have liked to react but could not because Buddha was there. So, everybody was holding their lips and fists tight. After the businessman spat at Buddha and realised his action was not drawing a reaction, simply walked away in a huff.
Buddha did not react or say anything. He just smiled. And that was enough to shock the angry man. For the first time in his life, the man had met someone who would just smile when he spat on his face. That man could not sleep all night and his whole body underwent such a transformation. He was shivering, shaking. He felt as if the whole world had turned upside down. The next day he went and fell at Buddhas feet and said, Please forgive me. I did not know what I did. To which Buddha replied, I cannot excuse you!
Everyone including the man and Buddhas disciples were flabbergasted. Buddha then explained the reason for his statement. He said, Why should I forgive you when you have done nothing wrong.
The businessman looked a little more surprised and told Buddha that it was he who had wronged him by spitting on him. Buddha simply said, Oh! That person is not there now. If I ever meet that person whom you spat on, I will tell him to excuse you. To this person who is here, you have done no wrong. That is real compassion.
Compassion is not saying, I forgive you. Your forgiveness should be such that the person who is forgiven, does not even know that you are forgiving them. They should not even feel guilty about their mistake.